By Are you expecting too much in your marriage? Are your expectations so high that you are chronically disappointed with your relationship? Many people with relationship problems find that they have this romantic (idealistic) view, and as a result, the good enough marriage is failing. Here are a few things to consider:
How do you feel about your relationship?
If you find yourself bored with your relationship or daydreaming about relationships, you might want to do some self-evaluations. Some call it the “Dry Phase” or “Dry Spells” in the relationship, often after the honeymoon or euphoric stage. We don’t realize that what we see around us on social media, the news, romance novels, or romantic movies encourages the mass to visualize their marriage from an unrealistic angle. For example, expecting surprise dinners, flowers, always amazing sex, etc., are unrealistically high expectations for any relationship because not everyone expresses their affection the same way.
Setting such high expectations is not a good thing. Because when real life happens, we go through the motion of the typical day-to-day scenario, get overwhelmingly tired, unable to engage with any form of intimacy, let alone mind-blowing sex, we end up feeling disappointed with what we have.
Is your relationship really all that bad, or are you just fantasizing and idealizing relationships to a point where you can’t be satisfied with your own?
Relationships falling short of expectations is not uncommon, and that does not mean you need to settle, but it does mean that you have to account for things like life. You will need to work, be away from each other, and have days when you are too tired to be intimate. You will always be disappointed if you assume life will be all perfection and roses.
While there is no such thing as a perfect fairytale-like relationship, this does not mean there is no room for improvement. The truth of the matter is, THERE IS! Except that improvement needs to be done with a realistic outlook. Any relationship challenges can be addressed, and the overall situation can be improved.
Considering all factors means you can find happily ever after. It may just not be as ideal as you might think. Instead of a great marriage, you might have a good-enough marriage and find it far more satisfying because it alleviates the pressures of having a perfect union and the inherent disappointments this breeds. It also means having a chance to evolve in your relationship and as an individual.
If you are feeling somewhat dissatisfied with your relationship, start by changing your viewpoint, and allow yourself to look at the imperfections as opportunities for growth. Then, remember that having realistic expectations saves you a lot of disappointment.
If you are still unhappy with your relationship, consider some therapy or counseling. Some marriages can grow and become wonderful despite their imperfections, while others seem to worsen, magnifying imperfections.
The goal is to determine whether your good-enough marriage can be great or whether too high of expectations have led to disillusionment and marital failure.
What do you think?